Brown and White Vol. 97 no. 69

              lehigh university clown and gripe v01.97-n0.69 tuesday aprlm 1986 215)861-4181 marcos selected as grad speaker candidate by peter b lonq the long awaited choice for the class of 1986's commencement speaker is still undecided an unreliable source said yesterday as a result students will have the opportunity to vote for their choice of speaker the official candidates are fer dinando marcos francis the gar bageman and john byner our source who didn't wish to be iden tified as the president of the university also explained that students may write in their choice of any other person they wish as a speaker regardless of age sex or prejudice there will be three boxes distributed around campus for entries to be dropped off students may enter as many times as they want but once they buy a prize it's their's to keep the clown a gripe obtained it doesn't matter how we obtained it a portion of each of the candidates applications and as a service to you the students we'll divulge some of the crap they spread marcos i like to speak at you school for reasons unknown to me one of all i be the richest sombitch that beflehem ever did see i got to have so much money that i buy you all the radon gas you ever want ha ha get any of it good marcos that funny anywho second of everything i drink like nobody was ever drunk i know how to learn you guys something to do with barfing when you know that too much has been had stick a filippino down you throat and pay homage to the porcelain marcos firdly i enterprising man you engineers know someting of this no or yes i teach to run for office boy oh girl that guy mondale could have been winner of u.s if i be campaign manager i know how to handle that running mate of his too don't you know it francis hallooooo lehigh you know why i want speak at your graduation whoa nellie i know you kids better than your goddamn parents hell i've been raking up your puke for 65 years and that's got to be some kind of record speaking of where's the beef and what a speech i would give to you kids holy marcos i'd tell you to clean up after yourselves whet a mess i pick up every morning and i'll reflect on the past dozens of graduations i've been to and cleaned up after and well i could learn some other things to talk about one thing i will tell you little shits don't choose me and i'll make your lives miserable you know what i'll do clean up all your rooms when you go out on the hill i'll make this campus so friggin neat that it will make you sick ha byner boy this is bizarre here i am some little comedian from canada and you ask me to speak at your graduation i truly am honored . now getting down to some f(beep)g business do you want some cruddy college-graduated political well-respected fortune 500 schmuck to lecture to you or do you want some off-the-wall wacko sex-crazed person like me to show you pictures of tits i thought so remember entries are due may 30 that should give the newly formed committee for the ultimate neato talker some time to tabulate the votes and announce who will be your graduation speaker for the june 1 ceremony economics professor h.r pufflnstuff gave his reaction when • freshman insulted puf f instuf f s self scribed scorecard during last month's chez mllkbons students demonstrate call for lu divestment by bishop wearsa-tutu angry students staged a massive demonstration and sit down strike in the alumni memorial building yesterday demanding the university divest its holdings in south bethlehem get the hell out of my office you long-haired scamps treasurer wolt jahnson told the demonstrators as they marched into his second-floor of flee singing we shall overcome \ s carrying signs reading end townie oppression free howie mandela and today the fabric center tomorrow pat's newsstand students converged on university administrative offices located in the alumni memorial building shortly after noon forum co-chairman judy lanolin leading the protest march told reporters we are sick and tired of the way the university oppresses the townie minority in south bethlehem the fabric center is just the beginning we want the university to bag the leases it holds on the rest of the properties it holds as absentee slum lords with the arrival of beer trucks from the hill the crowd became increasingly militant lanolin ripping off her blouse in a frenzy of political activism declared a hunger strike until the university agrees to sell all its assets in south bethlehem and give the proceeds to the families of starving steel workers i fc president hymie goldfarb pledged his solidarity to lanolin's position i know i speak for the entire ifc when i say we think this issue is as important as the sac cafe hourglass talent show we'd do the hunger thing too but it would mean we couldn't drink hey it's not tint important as the protest's complexion changed from that of a peaceful nonviolent gathering of concerned students to a drunken orgy by enraged fraternity men and sorority women president petey likey ordered campus police to the scene to disperse the demonstration chief eugene whacks ordered the students to disperse as policeman fat chuck wadded into the students flailing about him with his billy club lanolin and goldfarb were arrested when police officers found them huddled together in a semi-clad conspiratorial embrace discussing revolutionary politics and maoism checking for ids at the sayre park gates on a saturday night is just another blatant example of lehigh's racist policies lanolin declared as she was taken into custody angelo snubbed as grid coach byphilmushnick the names of three losers who didn't get the job of head football coach have been released to the clown and gripe according to athletic director john fathead lehigh's ex-coach confirmed that angelo spinosa was his first choice simply because he's been here a hell of a lot longer than anybody else fathead also explained that spinosa weighing in at a fit and trim 325 pounds would have fit right into my job not to mention my clothes " fathead said the two other losing candidates were sandy duncan vice president for student affairs and phil skar the men's basketball and baseball manager skar was unavailable for comment but did try to write a letter of thanks to fathead for including him among the final three the athletic director however couldn't decipher the code the clown and gripe caught up with duncan in the weight room of taylor gym everyone thinks i don't like sports she said through a mouth full of chewing tobacco but i could have coached those guys sheeeet nothin to it she then took offense to a photographer oogling over her muscular body and kicked the crap out of him fathead reportedly made his final choice before the end of the semester for certain reasons i want to give the new guy some time to earn a little money when i was coach all the player's parents sent me checks to put their kids in the game why do you think we sucked - • president peter whimpins toasted the losing candidates unaware that they didn't get the coveted job i've been getting drunk with angie for years phil is a tremendously un derestimated er everything and hie well me and sandy have always been very close if you know what i mean