Clown and Gripe

              lehigh university clown and gripe who cares what volume and number bedlam pa friday april 3 1981 free lewis catches it in rear dax gets it upstairs university head will recover in time to retire by kristen shepherd sustained m his buttocks before going under the knife lewis allegedly said to the surgeons 1 hope none of you are lafayette graduates also cut down by the would-be assassin was campus police chief eugene dax who was shot m the head but not seriously injured the bullet reportedly passed cleanly through tin center of dax's brain the police chief was treated with decongest ants by a muse at the health center and later released m good condition the campus police reportedly have no suspects m the case when asked if the police are working on any leads m the assassination attempt dax replied what attempt university president deming lewis and an iide were wounded m a hail of gunfire while evading students and reporters outside the alumni memorial building yesterday lewis who was treated by a team ot specialists at st luke's hospital is expected to make a lull and complete recovery m time for his retirement m 1082 however doctors cautioned that he will have to restrict his public appearan ces they added that the president is m good spirits and has been joking through out the ordeal i shouldn't have ducked honey lewis reportedly told his wife while still smarting from the 45 caliber blast he president deming lewis chief eugene dak concerned students control all funds under martial law by rich the snitch sensationalized by andy lehren the concerned students comminturn decrmd y -.-«* arday absolute control by the comminturn over all student organi zation funds the forum can't do diddly-squat said hip dudelaney so we decided martial law was the only alternative no more proposals to issue or pestilence halls council review crap and no more stupid clown and gripe questions and bitching dudelaney said throwing law books at the snitch it seems that the comminturn realiz ing it had four weeks to finish a demo cratic proposal took the limpgrin and kay approach and took the law into their own hands dean of fraternity immunity william paraguay agreed to giving all univer sity funds to dudelaney's neo-fascist comminturn he had pictures said paraguay refusing to elaborte further however the clown and gripe has infor mation that the pictures concern an inci dent at washington dcs plush rive gauche where paraguay was boister ous and drunk having an argument with carol burnett and offered dessert to everyone m the restaurant the comminturn also gained control of pestilence with the approval of tzar scotty ferret as ferret confirmed by saying yuppers it's fine by me cuz dudelaney's my bestest friend he can have our reported revenue of 30,000 per annum plus 20,000 m our moral minority legislates university minor morality by billy graham lehigh's moral minority philosophy department chairman ralph limpgrin and associate professor of psychology edwimp kay have once again felt the urge to legislate morality for the univer sity community dressed m jerry falwell t-shirts and beanie caps the two confronted univer sity faculty members at monday's meet ing with their limpgrin-kay proposal demanding the creation of an ad hoc committee on university life you wouldn't believe what goes on m this place droaned limpgrin who is best known for his refusal to reside m a bedroom community because it had a nasty connotation something must be done about this den of iniquity babbled kay it's got ten to the point where my buddy limp grin and i are afraid to go to faculty pubnights limpgrin and kay called for an inves tigation of the present university disci pline system and requested recom mendations for possible changes we have reason to believe that stu dents a re acting like college student sand having fun at this university and escap ing punishment belched limpgrin take the dolts wet t-shirt case for example breathing heavily limpgrin related how eyewitnesses told him ofthe lifting of the contestants shirts by dolts brothers and the wild behavior of the crowd adjusting his belt he sighed that he'd only wished he'd been there himself to get a better perspective on things limpgrin said such behavior could have been evidence for charges such as disorderly conduct indecent exposure and open lewdness but that no such charges were pressed the system needs to be changed the two chimed but we don't want to get it too perfect after all if things start to shape up we'll have nothing to moan about and then we'll fade into obscurity see pestilence page 1 and they're off ... these university students are rushing off to the health center's new yd clinic which opened up m the philosophy building the clinic is located next to packer chapel and served patrons on a first-come vj-a first-served basis each patron receives a bumper sticker that says * if you've got yd clap father « undo sarducci is available for con fession m the waiting room sundays from 8 a.m til noon ill side clown of the year 8 1